Saturday, July 29, 2006

glass houses

(Liz and I talking about my fan letter to one of my favorite bloggers, and her subsequent response.)

"Yeah we like her, she's a perv, but we like her." L
"Yeah... but then again we're pervs." A
"Yeah and you know people who live in glass houses..." L
"..shouldn't throw stones, but should share windex." A

(© Alice Ginsberg)

blah blah blah

I am staying up way too late reading blogs of people who lead lives that fascinate me. Then retracing the characters through this cat's cradle of internet links only to find that I know less now than I did when I started.

Does this make any sense? I don't know and can't be blamed as I am tired, tired, tired

I saw the girl I lost my virginity to tonight (Ronnie), she was beautiful as always and she seems to be doing better. The braggart in me wants to just go around saying "yeah I fucked her". Thankfully I know to curb that impulse. Everytime I see her though... damn I just wanna relive the past.

I think my boobs are bigger than I think they are, I always thought I was a C... but I think I'm wrong. And I think guys tend to look at them more than I ever chose to notice. How have I managed to have these and remain ignorant for so long. Ah denial... tis a powerful thing.

(© Alice Ginsberg)

Thursday, July 27, 2006


I am coming to terms with the fact that no higher power is gonna come down and tell me what to do with my life. No person is going to hand me the map and tell me what to do with it. (Anyway it is debatable that I would even listen in the first place) I don't know what to do with this truth... no clue.

I am starting to think of this blog as my own personal chemistry lab. A place to pour acid and makes things explode, a place of linoleum and hard cold counters, everything resistent to damage. I once heard that a cook should never try a recipe for the first time if she is to serve it that night, so I guess just as this is my lab it is my kitchen. The place to forget baking soda, or the vanilla, and though you are guests you are not being served. You don't give the first draft to the audience... so here it is, ticks, grimaces, spinach in my teeth and all. Watch the glass on the floor and be careful of the hot pans. And if you can't stand the heat, well get the fuck out of my house.

(© Alice Ginsberg)

Wednesday, July 26, 2006


I'm starting this because I'm sick of worrying what people will think when they read something that is mine. I want anonymity in this and the sense of safety that goes along with that. So many times I've changed something online so as not to be found out... so here goes, a simple answer in an anonymous posting.

Last night I hooked up with Josh, he is dating someone and has been for years now. We never had a spark and didn't have one last night, but I was looking for something. I can say is that something is not Josh.

He said he had never slapped anyone that hard, and I told him he could do it even harder, I would tell him if it was too much. It wasn't too much and it was the one thing that blew everything out of my mind. that managed to shut up the chatter in light of physical sensation.

It made me think of Ronnie, of her asking me slap her to mark her. Wanting me to slap her face just as she was about to come, was that what she was looking for? A bit of peace found in some bruised flesh.

I didn't take his boxers or jeans off when I blew him. I'm pretty good at giving head so let's just call it a handicap. I don't know maybe its a side effect of all the how to books I read as a repressed catholic girl, I was more than ready to get started on the real thing when the opportunity presented itself for the first time.

Ultimately he was too soft, he tried to dominate me but I don't tame easy. He was too scared to hurt me, and I don't think the chemistry was there.

The handcuffs left bruises on my wrist, and I worry that I have fucked up my karma by messing with another girl's guy. (without her permission that is) but I guess Liz is right, it was worth it... I learned that chemistry won't show up just because you are both horny enough, and nothing is better than a good hard spanking.

(© Alice Ginsberg)