Thursday, September 28, 2006


“I’m going to fuck your ass now."


I was on my knees, my hands tied with pretty knots that didn’t hold me tight enough. He started with my back, driving off thought with each touch of teeth, lips, tongue and leather. He came to my hips and kept going, eating my ass delicately then ferociously, another first gets chalked up on the board.

“You know I’ve never done that before, right?”

“I know”

I freeze up. I don’t untie my hands, or get off my knees, or even look at him. This seems to be another step off the plank. The internal dialogue starts again. “Another first? with him??? you sure you want another first with him?? so much power!” “Oh shut up, its an experience to be had by me. Not a notch for his nonexistent headboard” “This is bad. You should not be doing this.” “Sure, why not?” A cacophony of voices and opinions, all mine. Only one reaches my mouth.

“You’ll stop if I say?”




He pumps lube into his hand, unto me, unto him. He slides in just, I try to relax, imagining each inch he gained, imagining my muscles letting him in. I feel so full, it doesn't hurt as I'd imagined. And within time he is sliding into me so easily I think, “This is it? This is what the big deal is all about?”. I wrest my arm free of the white clothesline, awkwardly pushing back towards him with a hand requesting a vibrator. As he fucked my ass I buzzed against my clit, quickly making myself come. At that point I freaked again, everything tensed.

“Out, out, I’m done. I can’t. I.. I”

“Okay okay”

I showered with the lights off and the door open, he cleaned up in the kitchen. I came out with my hair up, little squiggles of curls escaping from the hurried topknot. An aqua green towel wrapped around me, floating on endorphins, brain chemicals, astonishment. He wrapped his arms around me, swaying us back and forth in the dark hallway. Hot, wet, clean. The song on the radio was slow, a woman singing, country.

And on my feet, for that moment, was scarier than on my knees.

(© Alice Ginsberg)

1 comment:

max said...

wow. and by that, i mean, wow.