first

I'm starting this because I'm sick of worrying what people will think when they read something that is mine. I want anonymity in this and the sense of safety that goes along with that. So many times I've changed something online so as not to be found out... so here goes, a simple answer in an anonymous posting.

Last night I hooked up with Josh, he is dating someone and has been for years now. We never had a spark and didn't have one last night, but I was looking for something. I can say is that something is not Josh.

He said he had never slapped anyone that hard, and I told him he could do it even harder, I would tell him if it was too much. It wasn't too much and it was the one thing that blew everything out of my mind. that managed to shut up the chatter in light of physical sensation.

It made me think of Ronnie, of her asking me slap her to mark her. Wanting me to slap her face just as she was about to come, was that what she was looking for? A bit of peace found in some bruised flesh.

I didn't take his boxers or jeans off when I blew him. I'm pretty good at giving head so let's just call it a handicap. I don't know maybe its a side effect of all the how to books I read as a repressed catholic girl, I was more than ready to get started on the real thing when the opportunity presented itself for the first time.

Ultimately he was too soft, he tried to dominate me but I don't tame easy. He was too scared to hurt me, and I don't think the chemistry was there.

The handcuffs left bruises on my wrist, and I worry that I have fucked up my karma by messing with another girl's guy. (without her permission that is) but I guess Liz is right, it was worth it... I learned that chemistry won't show up just because you are both horny enough, and nothing is better than a good hard spanking.

(© Alice Ginsberg)